i am torn with being angry with a person that i love. when i see that person is doing something that can harm not only myslef, but herself, too. it torn me apart to be angry with the person i love it makes me feel guilty.

1. i can be angry, but it shouldn't give me a right to be mean.

2. when i only hear what i want to hear, i have a problem accepting all truths.

i won an mp3 player from an online raffle promo of ispx.

now i can record my thoughts even while im walking.

mahirap kasi magsulat habang naglalakad o kaya nagcocommute d b?

so mas ok n cguro ung nagsasalita nlng mag-isa... hahaha

slamat Lord, you know exactly what i need... apir

http://www.ispx.com.ph/OnlineRaffle2/index.php3?article=2

It was a first time for the 6-year old girl for her tooth to be extracted. Her grand mother looks more nervous than she was. Tita Beth Dumapig, with her Ilongga accent, assured that the process would just be like a "kagat lang ng langgam." It was a success.
It was a first time for me, too. First time that day to hear these words with sincerity from a patient, "Thank you, Lord." Her name I did not know, and even if I did, I might not remember. But I remember the tone of her voice and the smile upon her face when she said it. "Thank you, Lord."

“Not unto us, O LORD, not unto us, but to Your name give glory.” (Ps 115:1)

…because sooner or later, I will fall and disappoint people. But when what I do brings praises and glory to God, who is my Father, ahh, I can be confident that God will not betray the trust given to Him by those He have touched through His beloved children. The good work He has prepared (Eph 2:10) so that His children will shine before men (Matthew 5:16), when it causes people to praise Him and give Him thanks, when after everything has been said and done, when even just one elderly woman would ask her grand daughter to utter these words, "Thank You, Lord," when being there that moment and hearing those words, has carved a smiley in my heart, knowing that my Father is so good, I am so honored to be adopted into His family.

"You are worthy to be glorified today, Lord, but there is in me - that is in my flesh, no good thing. I have no strength, no wisdom, no resolve to do good but what comes undeserved from you, O God. And I love you. It would be to my greatest fulfillment, my highest pleasure, my richest treasure, my popcorn and my chocolate ice cream if at the end of this day I could believe that someone has come to cherish Your power and wisdom and love more intensely because of me. God, let it be." ~John Piper

If it's for the glory of God, I am certain it includes the present and eternal benefits of His children. He has always been like that. That is why He is worthy to be praised.

Right this moment, a guy's melancholic heart is in God's hand. He can't find the right words to describe what he feels. He only knows that God is beautiful, and he wants to be captivated. No, he longs to be captivated.

"So captivate me with the perfection of your ways..."

Captivate. Such a strong word it can make me sober.

it's amusing. after he have finished crying out to God, there is gladness. there is this assurance for this not-so-optimistic guy that God will choose what is best for him, far greater than what he is wishing for. he is convinced GOD will either remove, replace, or restore and make things better. God may remove what's bothering him so he can continue enjoy God. God may replace his sorrow with joy and gladness that is complete. Or God may restore what he has lost. and since God delights in seeing His children happy and contented, He may even do it all. God will be glorified when that guy praise Him on that day... and hope in His faithfulness today.

PSALM 30
9 "What good will it do you if I am in the grave?
   Once I have turned to dust, how can I praise you
   or tell how loyal you are?
10 Have pity, LORD! Help!"
11 You have turned my sorrow into joyful dancing.
   No longer am I sad and wearing sackcloth.
12 I thank you from my heart, and I will never stop
   singing your praises, my LORD and my God.

intimacy - between the two of us, LORD

Pride and shame. You’d never know they are sisters. They appear so different. Pride puffs out her chest. Shame hangs her head. Pride boasts. Shame hides. Pride seeks to be seen. Shame seeks to be avoided.

But don’t be fooled, the emotions have the same parentage. And the emotions have the same impact.

They keep you from your father.

Pride says, “You’re too good for Him.”

Shame says, “You’re too bad for Him.”

Pride drives you away.

Shame keeps you away.

If pride is what goes before a fall, then shame is what keeps you from getting up after one.

Chapter: “I Will Not Abandon You.”

HE CHOSE THE NAILS, pp 65-66

Max Lucado

it's unnecessary to have both.

unnecessary - life goes on, might be even better, without it.

though in pain, Dad applies the salve everyday for healing

 

God doesn't change, he is still good that's a fact.

 

regardless of the circumstances i might face in life, tsong, pare, dud... there's no better choice than to trust and worship God who simply cannot make mistakes.

 

Because my rock, the one who holds me and keeps me firm, my salvation, my fortress, my defense, my wise counselor, my shield, my strength, my portion, my deliverer, my shelter, my strong tower, my very present help in time of need, ulitin ko, very present help, (prang kanta yata to ah... "made me glad" is no other than God himself

 

my friend, rhiza, wrote me a letter. not an email, mind you. a hand written one "...kasi in your own simple ways, people (like me) get inspired in amazingly enormous ways. I guess God wants you to be like that."

 

Now, simple, amazing and enormous are words that mix well only when God is the one who mixes them. i just hope Dad will mix me well most of the time, if not all the time...

 

so there, i think i should be starting to be really thankful, one day at a time.

Dear Tito Bob,

I hope this gets to you in time

D ko po nasabi sa inyo on how much I was looking forward to this retreat in Subic. Pero nagkaproblema po kasi it was 2,750 pesos.
And so I think maybe I can go if it was around half the price.

And nung nagpaaalam po ako sanyo nung Saturday lang, your initial reaction was not the one I was hoping And I can no longer say yes to the retreat. Pero nung nagpaalam po ako s inyo e I didn't have any doubts that you’ll say yes.

Until natpos n rin po ung registration period nitong Sunday lng. So close na po yung registration.

But I still prayed. Telling God how much I really wanted to go to this retreat. Telling Him I haven’t had an experience of a meaningful vacation since I started working. Meeting new friends. And that since it’s my birthday this 29th, it would be a great time to start another year in my life.

I know I’ll not be able to go. No funds, and the registration has ended, still without my decision.

Since I can’t enjoy the retreat knowing that you would love all of us to be in our church special thanksgiving service this Sunday. (Sabi sa akin ni mama, “kasi gusto siguro ni tito bob na everyone is there to be blessed by the message nung doctor nya&rdquo

but still I prayed, not because I cant make a decision, but for comfort.

But something even better just came.

The registration ended last Sunday. And so there are no more slots, and no more money for me, too, even if you had said yes.

Until now..

Someone backed-off and the good thing is I can have a 100% discount And then came God’s answer, “Be honest with your pastor. Tell him how much you really wanted to go. And then I’ll comfort you. Just be honest, you can’t go wrong.”

And so I’m asking again

Still having no doubts that you will understand me,
Hobbes

PS

From the movie “Cinderella Man” (medyo iba lng ung line para maging swak, sabi nyo po kasi kabisaduhin nmin e. hehe)

“I really can’t enjoy being there if you’re not behind me.”

******************
This is my email to Tito Bob, our Senior Pastor.

He has been more than a pastor to me, he's like a family. As Little Stuart once said, "Family is not necessarily biological." (i quoted this as best as i can from my not-so-good memory, but you get the idea

You see, we have a special thanksgiving service this Sunday. And i'm pretty sure God, like Tito Bob, doesn't want us to miss the message of His faithfulness and why we can be thankful. You know why? Because that special thanksgiving was moved to December 4, and that is next week. And therefore, I can attend the retreat and really enjoy it!

This was tito bob's text message:

Bert, Binasa saken n tita norma email mo.
Dr Dee(ung speaker sana) requested dat hes speaking
in SBC be moved to dec. 4. Enjoy God's blessings at
the camp! u have all prayers 2!

I was taking a bath when i received that message and i just can't stop jumping and shouting. i couldn't even finish my bath! I was walking in circles, dancing and shouting and smiling like crazy. and then came this "Lord, you did this... for me?"

"Lord, did you do this for me?"
"Lord, you really care for my needs and my desires?

"Lord, do you love me this much?"
"Lord, did you have to die in the cross for me?"
"Did you really have to that... for me?"
"Am i that special to you?"
"Are you that personal?"

My friend, the answer is yes.

It could happen to you.

1 John 4
9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.

10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

and the ultimate truth:
19 We love because he first loved us.

He first loved us, and He wants us to talk and listen to Him.

God has answered my prayers even before I asked from Him...
for blessings, for deliverance from sins, for protection...
so that when the time comes for Him to reveal to me what He had set before me, it shall not get unnoticed and unappreciated.
i shall not only be thankful, but i will dance with Him like crazy.
when hurting, i can see an answered prayer for discipline, and therefore growth.
when everything is ok, i can look back and see how far He has carried me.
but only when i prayed, i can be grateful and see things differently.
only when i pray i can change the hardest person to change, namely me.
only when i pray, that i can dance afterwards, no matter what.

when i prayed for that retreat, when i told God, "You know what's best for me," I believed He can cause things to change or even better, change how will i respond shall He not say yes to my request. and since He knows what is best, he made it clear and simple. the truth is, two weeks before i have prayed, God has already prepared the answer. you see, dr. dee, who is supposed to be our speaker for the culmination of our thanksgiving theme for this month had decided to move His speaking engagement in our church. he had decided to move it in such a way that it will not fall on the same date as the retreat. and he only informed our church just about the same time i asked God  for what He thinks is best have i not prayed, i could not be thankful. i guess He just misses seeing me doing the "indian-like" dancing. He could have asked me, but i prefer His approach. (How can you say nanggigil ako sanyo Lord, kpg nkita ko kau, naku!

i haven't met dr. dee, nor influenced him in any way to move his sermon in some other date. i'd like to think that God causes everything to work for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose... (hmmm, this sounds familiar...)

sometimes, i asked myself if i really love God. it's so easy to say i love Him, that i don't know if changing the accent of my voice as i utter "i love you, Lord," will suffice. but when Jesus said that if I love him, i will obey Him, i fall short of it somehow.

But i thank him for moments like these, "Hobbes, between the two os us, who do you think loves most? Who started loving? did you? can you love me more than i love you? if you love me, was i not the one who caused you to love me? did i not pursue you? did i let you go?"

i thank Him because He will always love me more than I can love Him.
i thank Him because He is free from mood-swings.
i thank Him because He is free to do what is just.
i thank Him because He is a man of integrity.
i thank Him because He is free to do what is right even if it hurts.
i thank Him because He is free from pleasing people when doing what's right.
i thank Him because long before the foundations of the earth, he had chosen not only who will be with Him, but who will be conformed into His likeness.
i thank Him, simply because i get to have a glimpse of who He really is and what is his plan for me.
and i thank Him again, because He is real... and a personal being.

I say, "I love Him!"  But I also say, "He must have loved me first!" -  Rev. D. H. Kuiper

I am free, when God controls me. I am a slave when I am controlled by anything else but HIM.

As inevitable as bad things to happen in my life, good things are far more inevitable to come... and last.

Inevitable. As certain as the sunrise.