January 9th, 2007

there are times when you feel and know that God is giving you a warning or some sort of preparation for a test.

i was in a room filled with books. and it so happened that the nearest book to me has something to do with health, particularly on watching one's diet, or eating habits. i picked it up, sat on a floor, and started flipping through the pages.

i came across the section where the book discusses the "why's", possible reasons why we eat more than we should. the author by the way is a Christian medical doctor.

one of the reasons i can relate to is that we eat too much for comfort, or at least to feel good, just like drinking. i can't imagine how could that happen (i weigh pretty normal when i was reading this book). and now i am almost 170 pounds when i should be around 145. the heaviest weight i had was around 185 pounds when i was in my first year of college.

and what troubles me is not only i look big or im having bigger belly, but that i cant seem to be disciplined when eating. Eating is fun. i love it especially when i'm eating out with friends and family or just eating dinner at a friend's house. those were one of the happiest moments in my life... yahoooo!!!! hehehe...

but there are times i eat even when i'm full. i don't know why. i wasn't familiar with the word gluttony, until now, i guess.

and so i'm writing this, because i want to "glorify God whether i eat or drink." i want to challenge myself, and those who can relate, to enjoy eating and at the same time feel good eating only as much as our body needs. 

i have a picture in my mind of the Israelites when they were on the dessert and God provided food for them. God told them to get only as much as they would need, but they got more so they could keep it or for whatever reason. and God was disappointed and he turned the quails rotten.

i can't imagine before that i would struggle with my eating habits, but it turned out that it was only a symptom of an inner and more subtle problem.

i hoard because it secures me.

i hoard, because the quails might not be there when i wake up tomorrow.

i hoard, because God may not provide for tomorrow.

anxious?

this is my real problem.

As the witer of psalm says:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

    and lead me in the way everlasting.

God still loves me, and it would be more than enough to keep me going.