gosh... it's been a long time since i wrote something here. anyway, i just thought of writing. i am so excited, i am smiling... alone.. (hehehe).. whatever you're thinking, you're probably right. what else can i do, i am excited

 i'll let you know about the developments.. it's not about love life, but it could be.. hehe

the excitement i had a couple days ago has come finally come to a conclusion... i got the job i was praying for... a big change in my life that i would not be able to share with one of the closest person i have ever been with, pastor tito bob, who has been like a father to me.

i usually tell tito bob every significant changes ill be having in my life, good or bad. i come in to his office every now and then and come out there feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. but more than that was the certainty that our God knows what he is doing and the Lord is interested to teach me through my circumstances. and that in spite of me, he still wants to use me.

i purposely did not tell him about a possible opportunity i'll be having with my career. i did not because it was a possibility then. but somehow, he managed to get the information thorugh my mother. he didn't even have to get it, because my mom gave it to him, without him having to ask. information can really find its way to tito bob. i was only surprised when i saw him he asked me about the result of my interview. but i have to smile. i dont want to tell him  yet becuase as ive said, it was still a possibility then.

Last Sunday after the worship service, i saw him sitting alone. i feel like i owe him an explanation, though deep inside i knew he wouldn't require me to. and so i aproached him and begun explaining myself. "to bob, di ko n po cnabi sa inyo ung about sa job opportunity n i might get. kasi wala p pong resulta un e. gusto ko pag sinabi ko snyo e ayus n."

what kept me from telling him was a resolution i made to myself. i come to tito bob most of the time (like 10 out of 9 times... joke joke joke) bringing him personal problems to solve, sins to confess, and a bunch of anxieties, fears and pains. our time together has made me a better person. times when i can get on by myself because i'll just recall what he would tell me given the same situation. and finally, i said to myself, i should bring tito bob good news naman, for a change

and yesterday i heard the good news. but it could have been better. i could have called tito bob right away, and share it with him, knowing that he'd be proud of me.

tito bob, though was like a father to me, didn't have to replace my parents. he would later on tell me things he had experienced himself, things not eveyone would know. and through his sharing with me i felt i was not alone. The good Lord gave tito bob to me so that i can have someone i could learn from. He would remind me of honoring my parents,
not only because it looks good, but because his boss says it in his words.

bottom line, i wish he's still alive today. or at least until i have learned about the good news and share it with him. but that's selfish. i know tito bob would be happy for me. i know because my mother told me that tito bob said i was blessed by the Lord to even have such an opportunity.

in the end, i have hugged tito bob more than any other man. i have cried to him like i have i cried to my dad. i am not a perfect son to my parents, but i have learned to want to honor them. and finally, i have learned to understand how to love the most difficult person, myself.

for the many sleep overs, dinners, and counsellings we had, only one would stand out and he wouldn't have to tell it... the joy he had serving the Lord. the answer to the question a stranger would ask him, "what will make you contented?"... wrong question...

"why are you contented, bob?"

i cried

i cried because i saw his smile.

i cried because i thought about him this morning only to realize that he would only be able to exist on my thoughts.

i cried because i saw a lot of people who love him are crying, too

i cried because i remember how he would listen to me intently.

i cried because he would remember me, though he had a lot of things to think about.

i cried because i didn't know the gravity of his previous heart problem.
    he got back into his assignment, as if nothing serious happened.

i cried because he would treat me as his own.

i cried because he would tell me and nikos would go far.

i cried because we enjoyed the same genre of music, we like the beatles and lots of the oldies.

i cried because he would genuinely laugh at my jokes.

i cried because he would challenge me, and encourage me that God will be with me.

i cried because he would help me cry and be honest with the Lord.

i cried because i would tell him secrets, and i never felt judged or condemned but restored.

i cried because he was passionate with his assignments, and be filled with joy.

i cried because he would let me know he was merely human, too.

i cried because he has given me so much time and valuable lessons, and he would no longer be there so i can share God's

blessings with him.

i cried because he was a man who lived a simple life, contented with what he had.

i cried because he would lead, and leave his flock with a diretion and a leader to continue leading them.

i cried because i wanted to buy him a shirt, and see his deep appreciation.

i cried because i had plans, and he was a part of it.

i cried because i saw his smile... and it might be a long time before i see it again.